You guys, I just terrified the living shit out of a UHaul employee. I did this when I called her from my bathroom, trying to 'whisper cry'. This mostly came out as though I was a hysterical person in a horror film. I'm pretty sure I am the reason she's getting drunk tonight.
Let me backtrack.
I, as we know, am an idiot. I booked my movers and my trip out west a few weeks back, believing that I would use said trip to find an apartment and perhaps some additional freelance work, then return to Manhattan and pack up very easily. A week before I even went on the trip I found an apartment (my friend went and gave me a tour via snapchat and I signed the lease as quick as humanly possible. This place? It is rad). So, I was going to use my trip for meetings and general relaxing. It wasn't exactly relaxing but I had the meetings, so there ya go, I will accept a 50% success rate these days. The entire time I was out there I wondered if I should have just cancelled and focused instead on packing. In short, the answer is YES. Yes, I should have.
I returned home after a super delayed flight, exhausted, with a baby that no longer slept. Then, I had a bunch of meetings to continue to find some work. I blinked and it was Friday and holy shit the movers are coming next week and my apartment is maybe 30% packed. One of the reasons it's only 30% packed is my daughter now screams if she can't see me at all times. Which means I can only pack in one specific spot while the babysitter holds her and says 'see? there she is' repeatedly. On the plus side that specific spot is now 100% packed but all spots around it look as though they've been hit by a bomb. My sitter is now gone for the next week as my life is a farce and built upon a foundation of bad timing. So, I now have to pack, with a screaming child, while exhausted, and trying to work and take calls. It's going very well.
To continue the farce there was a flood in my hallway (of course there was), ruining all of my coats. Oh, and moths got into my sweaters and ruined those. FUN TIMES FOR EVERYONE. I am trying to find the humor in this and all I have is 'well, at least it's less to pack'.
The straw that broke this camel's back though was when my order of boxes arrived. You see, I have a lot of wine as well, I like to drink wine. Ahem. I also didn't cancel any of my wine club memberships when pregnant so I have something of a backlog. Ergo, I needed wine shipping boxes and ordered them and a vast array of other boxes from Uhaul. Instead of wine boxes, they accidentally sent me furniture pads. They immediately rectified their mistake and shipped the boxes for delivery today. Unfortunately, only one of them made it. When discovering this I started crying and I couldn't stop. I don't know why it was this moment that broke me but it did, good and proper. Luckily, this all coincided with her nap time so I could hide in the bathroom and cry like an adult. This is when I called Uhaul back and explained what had happened (quietly, while gasp/sobbing). The horrified woman was very kind and they are express shipping me the boxes that didn't make it. (Seriously, well done Uhaul, your customer service kicks ass).
I then cried my face off. I cried harder than I have in a long, long time. Which is saying a lot, to be honest. I cried until my hair hurt which I didn't think possible. Then, I texted my friends and asked them to tell me that I can do this. That I will be ok. And every single one of them responded immediately and said yes. I can. I can do this and they have faith. And that they will help me drink all of the wine that is successfully shipped. Because they are givers.
I could not do this without them. These last few months have been some of the toughest of my life and these last 2 weeks have been on a completely different level of tough that I didn't know existed. But I have this incredible tribe of women and one super awesome brother and one beyond incredible mother who keep lifting me up. Who cheer me on. Who offer support and help. Who tell me 'fuck it, just leave the stuff there, I never liked those plates anyway' and make me laugh and help me stop crying, get off the bathroom floor and keep moving forward. Because even though this week has been one full of epic suck, I'm still (mostly) standing.