The No Sarcasm Fun:
Last weekend I went to see Garfunkel and Oates in concert. Holy Christ do I love them. It had been many years since I last saw them live and they just never disappoint. We had been walking along, on our way to boring errands, when we passed Irving Plaza. Low and behold the show was that night and there were a few tickets left. Boom. Night, and weekend, totally made.
During the show they announced they were going to play a certain song that is one of my favorites, and very, very dirty. It's probably why it's one of my favorites. I looked around and got a little nervous about the section I was in. There were a few very conservative looking older gentlemen to my right. There was no way they would sit through this song comfortably. I should stop having such little faith in strange, old men because those dudes? Knew every word. Bless them.
This is the song I'm talking about. There's no embed code so you'll actually have to click on it which is so 2012, I know. It is worth it. Also, here's your NSFW warning label, unless of course you have a very cool boss. I don't know your life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY
The Total Sarcasm Fun:
On Friday I was at work, you know, working, when WHAM, contraction. I knew it was a contraction because 1) it hurt like a motherfucker and 2) upon feeling said contraction I immediately googled 'what does a contraction feel like?' In short: it felt like what was happening in my uterus.
I know that Braxton Hicks can hit around this point so I wasn't super freaked out yet. I got some water and went back to work. Then they just kept continuing. As I was in pain I couldn't run in small, panicked circles, but know they were there in my mind. So I called my doctor who asked a few questions, took a pause and was like 'yeah, you should totally go to labor and delivery right now just in case. I'm sure it's fine but you know, go. Soon. Now if you can'. So I went. Via subway.
Have you ever had contractions on a crowded, Friday, rush hour subway? I do not recommend this. However, I made it to the hospital and I didn't stab anyone. Success. Tangent: During my hour wait I got to watch 4 women in actual labor and to say it put the fear of christ in me is a *minor* understatement. It did not look fun. At all. Although, 2 snaps in a Z-Formation for the woman who calmly put down her phone, breathed through the contraction and then took her phone back to continue her making fun of people on Instagram to her fiance. If she didn't have a human shooting out of her bathing suit area, I probably would have befriended her. But she's now a personal hero. Anyway, during this hour my contractions stopped entirely. They got me in, checked everything and essentially told me they have no idea what caused them other than potential stress and anxiety.
This does not bode particularly well for me as my life is kind of built on a vortex of stress and anxiety. It's kind of a running theme. So now I am just trying to figure out how to reduce stress and thus far all I have is 'eat more cake'. It's a solid plan, guys. If you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears.
The probably not accurate but I'm sticking to it fun:
Kate Middleton is pregnant again. You know she totally heard that I was pregnant and wanted to one up me. She's so competitive with me. It's tiring, really.