Yesterday I attempted to take the baby out to dinner with a friend. I have previously gone over how remarkably dumb I am, so this should really come as no surprise. But yeah, again, I am very dumb. Because only a true idiot would look at their child who has developed a new habit of going from smiling to soul melting screaming in a matter of seconds and think 'yeah, this baby will make a super relaxing dinner companion.'
In short I spent dinner doing the following:
- Rushing the baby to the bathroom to try and quiet the screams
- Standing and bouncing the baby
- Attempting to breastfeed the baby under a cover which she was karate chopping off of us
- Related to above: showing my nipple to the entire restaurant
- Pleading, begging, and asking for the check
Notice that in there I did not say 'eating'. I know at some point I put the food into my face in a very rapid sort of way, and that it tasted like food that was cold, but that's about it.
On the plus side I came up with this analogy:
Dining out as a parent is a lot like going to bars in your 20s. You spend a lot of time in the bathroom with your boobs out and often get thrown up on.
So I guess it wasn't a total loss.