Let's just go ahead and put all the cards on the table and realize I am the worst adult ever. Like, my friends are having babies and I can't make myself put on pants.
Ergo, thanks to this lack of responsibility I'm calling it now: I totally lost the baking challenge. Here's how I did it!
Step 1: Open the fridge to make the sangria recipe that has been chosen for you. Realize that the bottle of wine you served to someone yesterday was supposed to be used for the sangria. Curse.
Step 2: Intend to go buy another bottle of wine (I generally don't keep white wine in the house, but have 1800 bottles of red) and instead get sucked into 7 hours of quality tv and work and realize you don't have time to get the wine now and you've already lost. Curse.
Step 3: Open a bottle of red wine and have a glass. Feel better. Realize that losing still tastes like red wine and is delicious.
Step 5: Realize you don't have enough sugar. Curse. Put on pants. CURSE A LOT.
Step 6: Go to the store in your fancy outside of the house pants and purchase the sugar.
Step 7: Come home and have another glass of wine. Take off your pants and leave them on the floor. LIKE A DAMN ADULT. Return to baking.
Step 8: Muffin base prepped. Open up the fridge to get out the cream cheese for the cheesecake part of the muffins. Realize you forgot the fucking cream cheese. Sit on the floor and finish the bottle of wine while muttering angrily.
Step 9: Put the cheesecake-less pumpkin cheesecake muffins in the tins and realize how dumb your fancy fall muffin wrappers are. Why are you caving in? You have one job: be a great muffin wrapper! You failed at your job!
Step 10: You now have all 12 muffin slots full but still have muffin batter left. Get inspired and remember you have a wee tiny bread pan. Who's the cutest bread pan in all the world? Who? YOU ARE YOU TINY BREAD PAN. (hand for scale and also so you can see I need a manicure). Put remaining batter in the adorable pan and put everything in the oven.
Step 11: Bake the shit out of those awesome smelling, yet totally losing the bake off, muffins. Consider another bottle of wine. Then hug one of your cats.
Step 12: Take muffins out. Eat one. Realize they are crazy delicious. Also realize how funny the word muffin in. Muffin. Giggle.
Step 13: Take a nap, you've earned it.
Step 14: Because I didn't want to end on Step 13.
So there you have it. I lost a challenge in 14 easy steps of irresponsibility. However, I totally got muffins so I think it's pretty ok. Judy, you were a worthy adversary and a better adult than me. Your margaritas looked quite delicious and my wine and I are jealous. Well done, friend.