I have been on many planes lately. Many planes. All of the planes. The latest was last night when I miscalculated the time and got there 2 hours before my flight. I know that's 'recommended' but um, no. Just no. So I was forced to get slightly airport drunk before I even boarded my flight. Then I took Xanax. Then I remembered I needed to write my friends a letter.
I have missed you. But more, I have missed being drunks on planes. For serious. Can my job be this? I mean, like more so I mean because currently it's kind of job. So actually can this be my job all of the time more so than every other week. Frequent flier miles, I haz them.
One: I'm pretty sure I've done permanent liver damage. Two: I am watching a show with James Van Der Beek and um, kind of amazing. Quote 'this is the worst threesome I've ever been a part of: no one is having sex and everyone is fighting'. This may be the wine and Xanax talking but I kind of want to put that on my business cards.
I am currently over Ohio. I feel like this warrants more wine. Right? Right. I mean I once went to Ohio. To an Olive Garden. That statement can just stand on its own. (Breadsticks forever y'all. Forever)
The guy next to me just ordered three gin and tonics at once. Seriously dudes, I am packing him in my suitcase and delivering him to one of you. You can battle for him. Bonus: he's pretty. And just now when the steward told me they would bring me my wine in 30 minutes he got indignant on my behalf. Please. One of you marry this person. Like he literally just told them it was bullshit that I had to wait. He deserves to be on money. Or at least have a parade. Perhaps both. #hero
Is it wrong I still wonder about the lederhosen kid from china? Has he killed his parents yet? So many questions. Perhaps when I go back to Asia this December I'm gonna look him up. 'Awkward lederhosen kid' should be in the phone book.
I am drinking water. This is bullshit.
I got Wine! Seat dude chased them down. Seriously, I may have to buy him a hooker. That's the traditional gift, right?
Someone at a bar this week told me I look like the chick from the newsroom. As I'm watching that show now I am belated offended. I have a way better rack than this chick. I mean, come on now. She has a better ass though. Hmm. Anger abating.
I have 3.25 hours left until we land. 4th glass of wine? God. It is so tough being me.
Also, for reference you should know that I have greasy hair and am wearing knee high striped socks. So. It's pretty sexy in this plane. Real, real, real sexy.
Turbulence. Fuck you Iowa. Or as I call it: where fun goes to die.
Due to turbulence they aren't serving more booze. This is the greatest travesty in American history. No exaggeration.
Um. You guys should watch newsroom. It's kind of amazing. Also, you should drink more. Two things. All I ask. Get on it.
Apparently if you drink 3 glasses of wine with Xanax in rapid succession you'll take an accidental nap. Things you learn when you're in your final descent to LA. That's right! I'm home... for the next 7 days. Welcome.
Still probably Buddha aka Meghan